Cautionary Tales from the Crypt
by Avengers of the Clique Fandom
Summary: The author, Kuh-laire Lyons, has a problem. The Avengers answered the call.
1. Justice

**Edit: **Author Kuh-laire Lyons removed (or had been forcibly removed) her stories to which this series parodies. Though, rest assured, all dialouge used (not including our own) was said (typed) by the person who said (typed) it.

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_Justice_

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The sun shone brightly on the Clique Fandom. Everyone was busily typing away on their newest story plot; responding to some of the wonderful reviews they got.

Except on particular day (April 28th, 2013 to be exact), a fellow author, Kuh-laire Lyons, stormed up to the Clique Fandom home knocking on the door furiously. She demanded that someone open the door and address her issue. The Avengers, who happened to be passing by on their way to send a work through the editing machine, beckoned her into the entry.

"Oh it's you! I heard you were incredibly hurt." The Avengers ushered her in, before swinging the door closed with a small click.

"Recently, everyone has gotten pissy with me," Kuh-laire explains, taking a seat at one of the tables.

The Avengers nods. "That is understandable."

"They call me a troll."

"Aren't you a troll?" They ask curiously.

"I AM NOT A TROLL!" Kuh-Laire yells, banging her fist on the table.

The Avengers shift backwards, casually handing her a breath mint. "You see, they call you a troll because you act like a troll. Flaming people is the way of the troll."

"JUST BECAUSE I CAN't WRITE AS WELL AS U DONSENT MEAN I HAVE TO BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST!"

"There's no need to yell." The Avengers points to walls around them. "The Internet is a cruel place, and if people think you're insensitive or that you type like a ten year old on acid they'll tell you about it. My advice, try to handle the constructive criticism well, but the haters better."

The Avengers continue, "Here's a story, there was once a old biker dude at a bar. And some young hotshit in all his drunken glory came swaggering up to the old biker dude and took a swing at him. Now instead of getting into a fight, the old biker dude caught the fist, grabbed him by the shirt, kissed him on the cheek, then smacked him in the face, saying 'bad bitch'. Now which one do you think was more humiliated?"

Kuh-laire paused for a moment before standing up abruptly "So who's with me?"

"Wait what?" The Avengers watched as Kuh-laire raced to the door. "Did you listen to anything we said?"

It was to no avail though, the young writer sped off ranting about the injustice of it all.

The Avengers looked up towards the ceiling, arms outstretched in a 'WTF' pose. "Really Fanfiction Admins? Really?"


	2. Sympathetic

**AN: **This is amusing, no?

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_Sympathetic_

* * *

The moon shone brightly on the Clique Fandom. Most of the aspiring authors were preparing for bed, getting in their last reviews for the day, and writing down their perfectly crafted sentences. Serenity was in the air.

The Avengers happened to be in the mists of sleep, dreaming about justice, when a light tapping noise sounded at their window. Heavy-laden and groggy, they shuffle to push the curtains aside, sliding the locks and opening the window, so that they can stick their heads out. Down below was none other than fellow "fanfictioner", Kuh-laire Lyons.

"You're back?" The Avengers asked.

"NAWT FUNNY YOU BITCH." Kuh-laire pointed her finger at them in an accusatory manner.

The Avengers glanced from side to side before gesturing to themselves and mouthing 'us' with a completely baffled expression. "That's rude, we're very sensitive about our comedy you know."

"Ah-hem," Kuh-laire clears her throat aggressively preparing for the best persuasive comeback of her life. "You LOSERS, are not affecting me at all."

The Avengers, now slightly miffed, say, "Maybe it's because you don't have the intellectual capabilities to understand that we were making fun of you."

"I do not want to come into your office!" Kuh-laire yells, probably grabbing the attention of the whole Clique Fandom by now.

"Who said anything about an office? Your mother?" The Avengers respond.

"Ewwww! you're so sexual!"

"Are you attracted to your mother?"

"Go jack off in the corner!" Kuh-laire exclaims with a freakishly large grin.

"Stop it, you're scandalizing us."

The Avengers clasp their hands together. "We think that the advice we gave was pretty good, but if you desire another story then we have one to tell."

"In the land of balloon animals, at the prestigious ballon animal school, the balloon animal teacher was quite distraught when they caught the naughty balloon animal boy misbehaving with a pin. The balloon animal teacher said, you let me down, you let yourself down, and worst of all you let the whole balloon animal community down. Now who do you think the naughty balloon animal boy is?"

There was a pause, as there usually was when faced with profound words of wisdoms.

"WHO AGREES THAT THIS WAS A TOTAL BITCH MOVE?"

The Avengers view the ground below. "Who are you talking to?"

"HUH, HUH?"

"This is why people reported you."

The words were lost on deaf ears as the young writer sped off ranting about how pathetic it all was.

The Avengers tilt their head to the sky. "Hey, Fanfiction Admins, you know-"

The Avengers pause.

"Ah, nevermind, we're just happy she uses commas."


	3. Discloser

**AN:** Here we go again.

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_Discloser_

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The afternoon sunlight beat down on the Clique Fandom. Many authors were just beginning to turn on their computers and open fresh documents. Others were making their way to the editing room, while some were reading and typing off reviews. The day was young and a buzz was already forming.

The Avengers sat in their brand new office, typing away at their laptop. Out of a pure whim they decided to private message Kuh-laire about her dislike in comedy. The message they typed was as followed:

"Why so much hostility? Just delete both your non-stories and we can put this all behind us"

Pondering over what would make the message even more condescending (and humorous for their own benefit) they added a smiley face at the end.

Almost immediately they received a reply:

"NO! YOU ARE SUCH... IMBECILES!"

The Avengers grinned, opening a new document to begin typing; just as they wrote one word, the door of their office flew open with a reverberating thud against the opposite wall.

"Hey, losers..." the ever subtle, Kuh-laire Lyons said. She marched directly to the center of the room another laptop in hand.

"Did you miss us?" the Avengers asked. "Actually it doesn't matter, we know you did. I'm guessing you refreshed the page every hour wondering when we'd drop some more knowledge on you."

"Why do you get SO MANY REVIEWS?" Kuh-laire questioned abruptly, throwing her laptop away.

The Avengers put a finger to their chin before cackling. "You see, all the accounts that reviewed us are ours. And I purposely made them all review us for kicks. It's all a giant conspiracy theory because we're that bored and feel like terrorizing you."

Kuh-laire glared at them and all was quiet for a moment, but then as if time slowed down her eyes became watery and slowly transformed into full blown tears.

The Avengers waved their hands in a panic. "W-what's happening right now?"

"I WANNNA REVIEWSSSS!" Kuh-laire wailed.

"You get reviews all the time! Albeit they're not particularly thrilled about your little love letters to us, but it's okay. Here's an idea! Why don't you just write a story. Then I'm sure you'll get reviews." The Avengers smirked at their own ingenuity.

Kuh-laire sniffled, rubbing her eyes. "Just give me some of your reviewss..."

"Our precious."

But seeing Kuh-laire tearing up again the Avengers quickly amended their word choice, fearing that Kuh-Laire would start her blubbering again. They swore she wiped her snot off on their couch.

"We mean, we can't give them to you."

Kuh-laire looked confused so the Avengers continued.

"Guess it's storytime."

"im not a BALOON ANNIMMALLLL!"

"Shh! That's so last chapter."

The Avengers cleared their throat.

"Once a little boy sent a charming card with a drawing on it to his favorite artist. The artist loved it, spent days lingering over it, wondering how to respond. Finally the artist drew a picture of Handy Manny and all his tools, and wrote, "Dear Daniel: I loved your card." Weeks later the artist got a reply from Daniel's mother and she said, "Daniel loved your card so much he ate it." The artist believed that was one of the highest compliments he ever received."

The Avengers nodded to themselves on a story well accomplished. "So you see, the reason we can't give you our reviews is because we ate them."

Kuh-laire threw her hands up in the air, stomping out of their office, mumbling, "What losers... I am not a fuzzing baloon aminal!"

The Avengers face-palmed. "No one understands analogies anymore."

They proceeded to glance up to the ceiling with an eyeroll. "No, we have honestly lost all hope in you, Fanfiction Admins, and thus refuse to have you as our closing liner. Because of this, please enjoy this public service announcement."

Don't feed the trolls, that is all.


	4. Hop, Shake, Frown, Huh? Random

**AN:** Guess whose back? Back again? Avengers back. Tell a friend.

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**The Finale?**  
_Hop_,_ Shake, Frown. Huh? Random._

* * *

On the dwarf-planet Pluto, there were four moons. In a small crevice, hidden away from the bright splendor of the white orbs, sat ten concerned individuals around a large mahogany horseshoe table. Kuh-laire Lyons gravitated into the center of the planet. In her hands she clutched a megaphone.

Into it she screeched, "I THINK THIS FANDOM IS OUT OF CONTROL."

The ten people, who were most likely enjoying nonsensical conversation about their newest story favorite or heartfelt review, comically fell out of their chairs in different ranges of shock. When they recovered many wore disapproving and irritated facial expressions, whispering in hushed tones to one another.

The Avengers flew onto the scene. Taking a seat at the head of the table, they waved their arm slowly over the ten to shush them. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?" They asked Kuh-laire.

In a different voice, one of a much deeper tenor, Kuh-laire exclaimed. "LET'S KICK OUT THE LOSER-WRITERS LATELY."

One of the ten stood up waving their finger in accusation. "Um, what is wrong with you, kuh-laire?" sparkle filled hearts questioned.

"Look, I think you need to calm." Dreaming of Glamour started, standing with Sparkle.

Glittering Moonlight inspected her nails. "Pfft. You probably think everyone but you is a loser."

"Order!" The Avengers slammed a giant mallet on the table twice. "Order in the court!"

Silence descended on the group. The Avengers leaned back in their plush king chair with a sigh, placing their feet on the table. "Now that we have everyones attention I'd like to thank le meilleur rose for shining the bat signal and allowing us to enact justice once again. Now we all know that Kuh-laire has been gone for a lengthy period of time where she probably did some great introspection on trying to remember her password. So please, let's all listen to her asinine ramblings."

Kuh-laire said in a normal tone, "examples". Before yelling into her megaphone, "PM ME."

"PM you for examples or PM you examples?" The Avengers asked.

"AND RE-ESTABLISH THOSE LIKE CARLYANDYCOONIE AND ESTFU." Kuh-laire cheered.

"Are those the names of your imaginary friends?" The Avengers rubbed their chin methodically.

"SYOC'S ARE SO ANNOYING TO READ." She continued.

"No one's asking you to look into the SYOC stories," dead end justice remarked.

"SYOC aren't annoying," k drama queen commented as ailes du neige said, "syoc's are annoying."

"If you don't like them, then don't read them," k drama queen snapped.

"The clique fandom and fanfiction in general is for unleashing your imagination. Maybe if you changed your focus to fix stories that are bad-" ailes du neige replied with a glare towards Queen.

"I think this fandom is great and there is nothing wrong with it," k drama queen finished, looking at Ailes with a smarmy expression.

"SYOC's are cool to me," Glittering Moonlight interjected.

"Nothing wrong with SYOC," Dreaming of Glamour added.

"They can be a tad annoying," splendeur voiced.

"THEY ARE UNCONSTITUTIONAL," Kuh-laire screamed.

"Jeez you guys are creating quite a ruckus. You'd think this was your story or something," the Avengers sighed and brandished their mallet.

"You don't have to read every story, you can ignore it," hawtjuicyaddict muttered.

"We agree," the Avengers said sagely.

"I personally think this fandom is at one of its best times," parachute hearts piped up.

"Woah, wait a minute, let's not go overboard here," the Avengers cautioned with outstretched palms.

"We are all growing and maturing as writers as we go," splendeur commented.

"Well, aren't you artificially sweet, splenda?" The Avengers chuckled.

"People shouldn't be harassed like this," hawtjuicyaddict said.

"Unless your name is 'nobody,' you're not perfect," sparkle filled hearts stated.

"Alright, alright. Tone down the sentimental this isn't a family time special." The Avengers waved their mallet around. "It's story time anyways."

They cleared their throat.

"You know Kuh-laire after all the times we've come face to face, we don't think you've listened to our cautionary tales. However, this does not deter us. In fact, if you would be so kind as to sit, we have another for you:

Long ago, there lived a little boy named Andy. He was a good boy. Grown-ups as well as his peers loved him. But that made others jealous who wanted to be as loved as Andy. There was another boy named Rick who was in Andy's class. However, unlike Andy he was bad.

On his birthday, Andy got a nice pen as a gift. When Rick saw it, jealously grew in him. He decided to steal Andy's pen. When Andy couldn't find his pen, he told his teacher about it. There was a hunt for the missing pen. It was soon found out of Rick's bag. Rick was in tears.

When Andy saw Rick cry, he took pity on him. He asked the teacher not to punish Rick. This opened Rick's eyes. He asked for forgiveness from his teacher and Andy. From that day, he became friends with Andy. Despite being hurt by Rick, Andy gave him back only love in return."

"HOW DO YOU THINK LISI FEELS?" Kuh-laire shouted.

"Do you ever listen to our parables?" the Avengers asked. "We'll explain anyways. You are Rick and we're Andy. So if you just apologize for being a big tard we can all be friends."

"NOW."

"Yes, right now. Say it with me, 'I, Kuh-laire Lyons, am so-"

"WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING."

"Yes. You need to say sorry for trying to hatch a diabolical scheme for getting rid of the clique fandom," the Avengers rebuked her and accented it with a pat on the head before flying back to the head of the table.

"WHO'S WITH ME?" Kuh-laire charged away with her fist in the air and the table of ten watched her go.

"Nobody is going to be with you because everybody hates you." le meilleur rose called to her retreating figure.

The Avengers glanced around to all ten people. "It is done."

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**AN: **We have no intention of antagonizing anyone. Remember, don't be mean to people. Kuh-laire's probably an ity witty baby.  
If you have a problem with seeing your name in our story, remember, no fucks were given this day.  
**Edit**: With her recent story gone we can all hope that Kuh-laire Lyons has found something a little more productive to occupy her time.


End file.
